Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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