some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
