I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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