You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
