just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
