By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
