my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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