I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
