I want to walk on stilts...naked
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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