At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
