I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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