dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
