i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
