I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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