i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
