At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
