when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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