I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
