I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize