a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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