that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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