I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
