i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize