i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize