I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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