your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
