I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
