Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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