Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
