I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
