I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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