i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
