I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
