Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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