I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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