If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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