I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
