My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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