And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
