Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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