he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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