I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
they need to just BURY HIM!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
