you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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