He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
