I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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