you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
