Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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