Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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