Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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