Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
