I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize