She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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