i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
