I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
