It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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