I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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