he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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