Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
