My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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