I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Terrible idea I love it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
